I am an Atheist...
This I have known my entire life and I have hidden it from most people as if it was something to be ashamed of.
Even some of my closest friends think I'm still 'searching' for my relationship with God.
Searching... Agnostic...
That's what I would say. Because telling your God fearing loving friends that you are an Atheist is sort of an unpleasant thing to do. I was never worried about losing their friendships, I was worried they would try to 'save' my soul.
Too bad, that was exactly what they did! By lying I was essentially saying, "please save my soul".
Of course, some were more persistent than others, but essentially, they all want to keep me from being left behind after "The Rapture" or burning in Hell for all eternity when I die.
This gets very annoying.
How can I go to Hell if there is no such place and as for "The Rapture"... How do people seriously believe that will happen?
They do. They think these are the only two options. Turn to God or burn in Hell. Only, the problem is, you have to turn to their God... All the other Gods, they are lies and will lead you to Hell.
So it came down to, I don't believe in your God, but I guess I believe in something, so just stop trying to save me and stuff. This seemed to work out well. But in my heart I knew it was a lie.
This also gets very annoying... But on a much more personal level.
As I get older, I find myself caring what people think about me a whole lot less. I have found this sort of "inner peace" within myself, what I believe in, what I don't, how I think, and how I feel. I know who I am and what I want out of life. This makes everything so clear and the idea of hiding any aspect of myself became really unappealing.
So, over the past few months I have decided to respect myself more than I respect others' wishes or opinions of me. I have decided that I won't hide myself, just because it might offend someone else or make them feel uncomfortable.
So, what does this mean?
I don't believe in God. Any God. I believe there is a reason for the belief. I understand some people need that in their lives. That they don't feel fully whole without this omnipresent entity watching over them. I understand this, and therefore I can respect it. I think it's all bullshit, and nearly laughable at times, but I respect the hole people feel in themselves that only seems to be able to be filled by some sort of faith.
(I don't, however, respect most actions taken by people in the name of God, but that's another post.)
I just don't have this void in which I feel the need to fill. In fact, I feel more at peace knowing there is no God, than I ever did before. I feel comfortable in myself and my place here on Earth. I feel whole, really fully amazingly whole. I see the beauty in our existence without some kind of unknown 'reason' for being here. I don't need God to tell me what to do in life, guide me in any way, or keep me on the path of good. I can do that all on my own and actually take credit for it!
I'm a fully competent, moral person living a good, honest life without God.
Yes, this is possible.
Shocking... I know.
Now, here's the thing...
I'm not going to be quiet about this anymore. I'm not going to try and shove it the faces of those I know or try to convert anyone... I'm not rude like that.
But just as you see this post about how much God loves you and feel like sharing it, I see a post about how there is no God and how amazing science is and feel like sharing that.
I have my beliefs, or lack there of, and you have yours. It's really very simple...
Bottom line.
I don't love God. I don't hate him either.
It's my life. I choose a reality in which the life I live is all there is so I don't want to waste it praying to God, feeling guilty for everything I do, say, think... I want to live. I want to be an awesome wife, have awesome kids, and enjoy every single moment I have here. And when it's over? Well, those I leave behind will surely miss me, and they will all find their ways of coping with my death, but me... I won't care. I'll be dead, and that's really OK.
Who knows... Maybe, I'll become a tree.
That is something I can look forward to a whole lot easier than the idea of floating up to Heaven. In fact, I would much rather become a tree than have to listen to God contradict himself all day, ignore all the sick and dying, treat people like shit, and pretend to love them, giving them a false sense of hope for a happy life before he gives their baby cancer.
